gone fishin’

Not really. Just been a bit quiet around here lately.

I’m taking a break from blogging at the moment, life has been hard, and really, sharing it on a web page has been the last thing I feel like doing. Today I make an exception. WARNING: This post is going to be unusually personal. Those readers who only come for the coffee, I do apologise, but this one is for those friends who have persisted with me, who pray for me, and whom I love dearly.

The coffee will return, actually if I remember I’ll do a write up on Cafébiz, but bear with me.

I started this blog with three ‘themes’, what I’m reading, thinking and drinking, so I will return to these for this post.

Reading: John Piper’s When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy.

Thinking: I expect that reading a book of that title is somewhat of a give away about how life has been going lately. Joyless. Miserable. Depressed. Melancholic. Exhausting. The last few months have been a struggle. There have been days when I honestly didn’t know how I’d make it through; days when I’ve felt like giving up on everything; days when I’ve craved sleep, simply so I didn’t have to think and feel and live. I’m usually an avid reader, but getting through this book has been a struggle: I lack concentration, I lack perseverance, and then I usually heap guilt upon myself about these lackings. And then of course, the added weight of guilt makes it harder to concentrate and persevere. Am I ‘depressed’ in the medical sense of the word? I don’t know, but I’m wary of it, having been there before. I struggle to know whether my emotional state is ‘justified’ given the events of life, or whether it’s more than that.

My parents split up nearly two weeks ago; after my little sister and I discovered that our Dad has met someone ‘new’. I don’t need to go into detail, but obviously, Mum, my sister and I, and Dad actually, are all heartbroken. My family has pretty much fallen apart, but no one seems to know what happens next, so we’re in a holding pattern until someone actually decides where we go from here.

There are other things going on that I won’t go into, but they all add up to make life rather difficult at the moment. Messing about with coffee provides useful relief from having to deal with everything; the problem being that I can’t do that often without feeling like I’m neglecting the kids and Drew.

But God has been good, and He has got me through those days that I honestly thought I couldn’t deal with. He is teaching me, and causing me, to persevere. He is working all things for His good and perfect purposes, and He has graciously helped me to trust that through all these trials. He has also reminded me, in His word, that these trials are only light and momentary, that they will not last. He is teaching me to savour once more His promises, and to look to Him as my strength.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

Drinking: Ethiopian Natural Forest Dima. Espresso. Dark chocolate Cherry Ripe.
Colombian Huila y Tolima El Cafetero. Espresso. Deep. Balanced.